if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
