a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I puked a lego.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
