I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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