So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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