i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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