Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize