last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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