He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
then he tried to convert me to islam
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
