Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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