her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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