You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
