its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
