It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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