only you would photoshop your dick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
