3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
