I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
