Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize