sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i think my cat just said my name.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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