i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
