Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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