I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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