i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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