I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
