There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
