Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize