The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
