Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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