she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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