Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
