Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
