So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mom said you looked used
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
