drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
