We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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