I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
