his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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