I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
