I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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