Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
