I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
