if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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