You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
