Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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