Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
