oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
