i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this boner is exhausting
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
