Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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