The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
