I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
