I'm lost and stupid without you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
