If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
