dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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