i think my mom watched the whole time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
