I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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