in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
