YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
