she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
