No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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