you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize