You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
