I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize