The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize