so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just googled if crying burns calories
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
