Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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