A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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