There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
