So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
