I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
