Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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