he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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