well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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