You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
