Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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