Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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