Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
