i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize