a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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