he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
