trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
