her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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