i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
did you just send me my own nude
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
