I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
