I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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