maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
