She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
