worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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