i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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