I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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