sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
