i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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