Don't you send me to vm
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
