he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
