remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
