The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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