yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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