So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
