Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
