the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
