I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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