i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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