there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
