my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
