we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
