i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
