Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
