I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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