You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
