I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
