Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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