so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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