I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
