Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
