Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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