I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
