I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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