you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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