The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
