so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
