Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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