onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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