She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
