my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
zippers are such a cool invention
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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