So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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