thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You smell like stripper and shame
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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